Saturday was my 4 year "blogiversary"

I totally missed posting on Saturday for my 4 year "blogiversary". It was one of those things I kept thinking about all week long, then when Saturday came, I totally forgot about it. DUH. I started the blog 4 years ago with this post.

Sometimes I feel like we are swimming against the current. In mud. And often I've felt like giving up. But we just keep plodding along and maybe someday we'll be out of this hole.

True confession #1

Well, this is embarrassing and upsetting, but I'm going to post it anyway. For several years, I haven't filed our state taxes because we owed money. I kept intending to get it done and never did. Tom had no idea until we got two letters from the state for 2 of the years (2006 & 2007). Haven't got anything on the other years yet. So those two years are filed now and we are trying to work out payment arrangements. I'm posting this before the debt list so it will make sense when you see the Oklahoma Tax Commission on the debt list. Not sure yet how much we're going to owe between interest and penalties, but please pray that they will work with us. I have been consumed with guilt and feeling stupid ever since we got the letters. I feel like Tom should hate me and be angry with me, but he has been his usual understanding self.

I just feel like this hole keeps getting bigger and we are fighting a losing battle.

And just a note to everyone: Ignoring stuff does not make it go away.

And so it begins...

Tom and I agreed to start new this year and recommit ourselves to getting out of debt. For those of you that have been following me for a while, you know that it seems every time we try to do this and get any money into our baby emergency fund, something happens. Sure enough we got $60 in our EF and our dishwasher quit and we need to replace our kitchen faucet (it's leaking). We have the new faucet (our son who works at Lowe's got it for us for Christmas), we just need to get it put in. The dishwasher is a want, not a need, so it will wait. It's just very hard not to get discouraged and frustrated. I've been trying really hard not to have a pity party about this. I have alot of dishes to wash cooking meals and snacks for the child care and for the family. I LOVED having a dishwasher!

Anyway, this week I will write out and post our debt list again. And I have some confessions to make. Those are always fun (not).

Hope you all have a great day!

Oh and Happy New Year!

For Bill

It's been 25 years and I still miss you everyday.


Forever
Stuck in time, forever a teen
Never growing up,
Somehow it seems
That time has flown by,
The years have gone fast
But I remember the past.
Watching my children,
Remembering my own childhood,
Brothers and sisters
Should grow old together.
But you’re gone forever.
Stuck in time,
Forever a teen.

Not a happy anniversary

This New Year's marks the 25th anniversary of my brother's death. I've realized lately that many of you didn't know about my brother until recently, or at all. It took me over 20 years to even really be able to talk about it. In March 2010, I started speaking at Victim's Impact Panels and it has really helped me deal with some of the emotions I had been stuffing down for years. I'll try to tell the story briefly here.

New Year's Day 1987, my family's life was changed because of drinking and driving. I remember waking up super early that morning to the phone ringing. My ex-husband and I were in San Antonio visiting his family for the holidays. My aunt was calling to tell me that my brother Bill had been killed shortly after midnight. Turns out he and some friends went out celebrating New Year's. They had all been drinking and had a wreck on a deserted county road. Bill was thrown from the pickup and killed instantly. It is hard to even remember the emotions that ran through me when I heard. I didn't believe it. I was screaming "NO, NO, NO". I was angry. I was heartbroken.

Bill was 18 years old. He had just finished his first semester of college. He didn't get to get married and have a family. He didn't get to know his nieces and nephews. They only know him through pictures and stories (and there are some good stories!).

It's hard to lose someone you love. But it's even worse when it happens because of something that could have been prevented. With that being said, I beg of you, please don't drive under the influence!!! Call a cab, call a friend, stay where you are, call me! I want to be able to spend time with each one of you in 2012.

Happy Anniversary to my husband Tom!

Today, Tom and I celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary! I like him and love him just as much as I did the day we were married 19 years ago. He is kind-hearted, understanding, loving, and can almost always make me laugh. I am looking forward to the rest of our lives together!

Happy First Date Anniversary!

Twenty years ago tonight, Tom and I went on our first date. You know how he woke me up this morning? By giving me a kiss and telling me happy anniversary. How lucky am I to be married to someone who still remembers the date of the first time we went out?